funeral song

[honeyk]

the sun has sank; its gone to bed
the moon dares not to raise it's head
black is what the world should be
for you've been taken away from me

my heart is dead; it beats no more
my purpose, gone, what am i for?
let the choir in silence stand
and hear not the marching band

joy be gone and sadness swept
by the broom i never kept
lock the door and lose the key
break the pot and spill the tea

sidewalks crack and bridges break
towers and foundations shake
sand be blown back to the sea
birds should fall out of the tree

churches rot and turn to dust
cars, they stall and start to rust
neighbors move and families split
wars abandoned; heroes quit

the day is done and I to bed
gone to lie and rest my head
if morning come, wake me not
because my mother has been shot.

[Dragondream]

I am really impressed with this work Honkeyk. Awesome job. I loved the rhyme scheme, and the way everything moved. Great images were conjured with the slightest of words used. This was excellent. I truly enjoyed reading this, thank you.


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We can't decide how or when we'll die, but we can decide how we live.

[paige11]

oooooohhh, i love it when they make you jump at the end. best part: "joy be gone and sadness swept, by the broom i never kept."
worst part: "let the choir in silence stand, and hear not the marching band."

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[rose]

wow this was great...i havent read any real good stuff in a long time. keep posting. the end made my mouth drop
~A~

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[honeyk]

thanks for your suggestions!!! i didnt like the choir/marching band part, either...so what do you think about this?


my heart is dead; it beats no more
my purpose, gone, what am i for?
mother earth will no more spin
its your grave her heart is in.


thanks so much for your help!


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[Hannibal]

*claps* bravo on the original work, and I like the revision... it's not quite as good *the revision* as I think you could do, but it's better than what you had...
this is a really solid work.
Congrats, keep postin!

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As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
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